Ode to Amma

Reflections from my first few months of residency and how that's deeply influenced my own perceptions of one of the most inspirational figures in my life

As I get older and deeper in my career, I realize how much I've taken for granted. Residency is hard. The hours are long, the pay is inadequate and the work we do is challenging. As a strong-willed working woman, I immediately started to compare myself to my mom. How did she handle everything that life has thrown her way? How did she make it all work?  With one grueling day at work, I barely have the energy to take care of myself let alone another person. And for her to have done that without ever asking for anything in return, it is true unconditional love. They say that it takes a village to raise a child. This is definitely true. However, there have been times in our lives where the village wasn't always on our side, but my mom always was. And for her to stand against all odds to fight for us, it is true unconditional love. We weren’t spoiled with money. But we were spoiled with love, freedom and peace of mind. I could always share anything and everything. I never had to think about my next meal or laundry. I was allowed to be lazy when I wasn't studying, working or simply enjoying my life. Not one day I can recall where there wasn't a home cooked meal. Balancing working, being there for Sowmya and me (physically, mentally and emotionally), maintaining her friendships, making time for herself and completing all the household tasks, I realize that my mom really was our modern-day superwoman.

We never had a house of our own. I remember very rarely I would be reminded of this fact when my friends were able to host huge parties at their house or we had to think twice or even thrice to make any big changes in the smaller apartments we've lived in. We couldn't just easily install a new wall, redo the older bathrooms or get a full fitness center in one of our bedrooms. It also meant Sowmya and I shared a bedroom and a bed for over 20 years, but that's all I had ever known. While my mom was never one to pity herself or ask for things, we knew she liked to be a little spoiled. We knew she wanted a big house. Something that she could call her own, but more importantly for her, something permanent she could provide us. But not once did I ever feel like I didn't have a home. Home was making our intimate apartment a space where people could eat a full meal and crash on our couch, where people could come over to play games, where people could have the ultimate cooking contests. It was always a space that Sowmya and I never thought twice to bring our friends to. Amazing smells from the kitchen, snacks ready to go and a beautiful smile on my mom's face that would make all the problems melt away. She was genuinely interested in your problems and your life and she wasn't afraid to give her opinion on anything. Everyone who walked through our doors knew that. So I like to think that she truly owned every space she was in.

Thank you amma for everything. Residency and beyond will continue to be difficult. As I stumble through creating my own rhythm and space, I have no better bar to aim for than the one she set.